Thursday, September 05, 2013

Gray Matter Meanderings

The dawn of a new day. The air swirls with a freshness, deep, long breathes filled with capacity. A rush of air pushed from lungs. The smell of java and dirt mixed. Lost within images that just float.
In and out.
A sweet mixture of impending spring with the oldness of the past season.
Bittersweetness dips on my tongue.
Reflections of the life lived. Seasoned.
Filled with smiling, familiar faces.
So carefree. So Lost, yet in love with the thought.
Inhaling the stretch of Mother Earth's awakening. Longing for her to wrap her arms about us, tightly.
And never,
Let go.

Of a seasoned life.
Seeing. Feeling. All there was trapped within, for eternity.

The music of the day, awakened before the sun. Life outside, beckons for one to just run through the fields. Rejoicing in the moment of being here.
Sullen, today.
Life moves, it heaves. As trucks rumble on a distant highway ... going ...

Quietly meandering through the morn.
Cherishing it.
Upon entering a door, life engulfed, busy with routine, I bent to awake my mother.
Images, flashed before me. I hesitate, and halt all together. I stood over her, just to watch her sleep. To hear her breath. Lost within the memory of a child at five, playing with her mother's hair as she slept. A mother who carried all the beauty this child could ever want, and possess. The child watched her in awe.
That child stood above the mother this morn, still in awe.

Time has a new meaning as of late.
A sudden importance. The realizations of where I stand in relation to Father Time.
The path, as I gaze out along the muck, the cobblestone smoothed over the years, appears to move forward endlessly...reaching out to the ends of the earth.
It does not.
The horizon moves closer... sneaking and stealth.
I have become more aware, more than usual.
Not just of the minutes, the hours or the days. Not of just the time well spent, well wasted or just gone from the pages.
Or the evidence of time that gazes back from a reflection.

My surroundings.
The trees, the sound, the smell. The cracks in the sidewalk at my mother's home.
Images, again.
Children; laughing. Frolicking. Teenagers sitting, contemplating life, the future.
The future stares back now.
And then, as quick as it came, the images fades, blurs back to that woman, standing there, staring at the pavement.
Voices of a past life. Giggles. Tears. Shed here on this very spot.
Prom pictures, baptismals, weddings, graduations ...

A noise distracts me from these moments, calling me back to now.
From the window:
A child waving
A mother standing behind her, staring, through my very soul, as if she knew every thought I just relived...
Stare back in wonder .... Does she relive them too?
I smile, turn to leave, return to the clutter of life and stop again, to look back into her eyes ...
A slight smile to push the cheeks, stopping the tears ...

Still in awe... '143'

*Edit: A Quote I found in hindsight: "There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask 'why me?' and 'what if?', when you look back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or a forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions."- ????
posted by Jod{i} at 9/05/2013 09:57:00 AM, |


Jodi, this was mezmorizing! I sat here tensed and completely engulfed in the words layed before me. I could recall moments where I have been taken on brief walks through memory lane from a small, seemingly insignificant movement.

Amazing how something so small can bring about such thoughts and reminiscing.
Aww, Jod[i].
You`ve really captured me here. I love the stream of consciousness path you`ve used here. And the meanderings. You have such a bright mind.

I really enjoyed the trip. Your Mom must be so proud of you.

Er, by the way, nice Pic!
This is captivating...

and look...a whole face.


A smiling that knows a secret.
Tammy and V: Thank you! Your words are all too kind! This is how I used to write when I first began writing in my journal over at AOL. I am making a huge attempt to get back to those words that escape me so often. And then I realized I had stopped writing for me. To make those words concrete, and to see them as real.
I am well though, it was just a moment in a day, when that realization washes over ones soul and our mortality becomes even more real.

Thanks you are all such wonderful friends...I enjoy you all so very much!

No silly goose, YOU have a whole....

I don't think you have ever posted it before. The whole thing...all at once.

You are lovely.


I want to be you.

A walk of memories and so beautifuly written. I really like your style on this one. And always.
The music grabbed me as soon as I clicked. And thanks to Amazon its on its way to my house : )
~ Jenny
(((Jou)))) Lovely as ever hon'. ;) C.
Time has a new meaning as of late.
A sudden importance. The realizations of where I stand in relation to Father Time.

Brilliant....You are in my brain or we are sharing thoughts.....
Beautiful Jodi stay true to your style, it becomes you. :O)
Something to meditate on this Spring day. Thank you. Margo
Okay, you've officially blown me away.

Again and again.

I love the song you currently have on your site. What is it? Is it from any movie or anything? Did I ever ask you how to get music coded on the blog? I'm trying but it just isn't working. Ugh!
Jodi, I found this wonderful. Not that old-school at all but your school of thought and writing. There are so many great phrases that I should quote almost all of them. Relating to time is totally new and fresh and sensual...

thanks for this I must come back and re-read...

Ann Marie
This is a beautiful style of writing that exposes your spirit. I loved it! I liked getting to see your whole face too. lol
oh my, don't ever stop writing.
I sit here spellbound.
Time waits for no one.

Oh Jodi, I am wiping tears from my eyes right now. That was beautiful.


This was incredibly touching and beautiful. Capturing the briefest of memories and finding a layered treasure trove beneath the surface!

I love knowing how you look beyond that tiny crack in the window that shielded eyes that were dancing with laughter, while still hiding that ebulient smile!

This is absolutely beautiful! What a gifted lady you are, I love your thoughts and play on words...excellent!

Thank you for sharing you with us.


Loved this and the quote too.
Wow, Jodi, that was simply amazing and beautiful. You're so talented. I love the music too