Monday, February 25, 2013

Scribbles

“What goes through that little head of yours?”, he stated quite bluntly. Sitting across from him, she blankly stares, no answer. There is no combination of words that would ever relate to that answer.

The day had begun like every other and yet somehow ended up here.
This spot. This torment of facing yet another moment within her life, she would have preferred be lost out somewhere in the muck.

Or maybe it should have been her in the muck. Letting it seep over her body, sucking her down under. A permanent mud bath.
What a comfort that would be, to feel the heaviness of it all burdened upon her. She found it much easier to deal with that burden than the one that faced her right now.

“Well?”

A simple word he spoke. And yet it reverberated. Bouncing off her skull and creating a tympanic wave that sucked her in deeper.
Deeper into the hell that hath now crept up.
Eyes burned into her, she could smell burning flesh.

Lost. I am lost. Lost in a world so unknown. No one could ever understand. Nor would they want to. It is my hell. Mine alone. There are no winners. I couldn’t even say there were any losers.
It just is.

As I sit before you, I hear your voice. There are no words coming forth. You speak, yet there is no comprehension.

What thoughts linger inside?

If I were to speak of the truths that lie within, I would then be making an admission to not just you or the world, but more importantly to myself.

I am not ready to open that, not willing to save face even if it were to save what had been.

This little head is full.
Full of contempt and anger kept in check by the reality in which I live. Not you.

Stuffed away. Locked and kept from being exposed. There was a life here. Where it is now remains the mystery.

Thoughts fired off. She just sat, completely idle. No expression could emerge.
The table appeared much larger, he was even more distant.

If I were to speak the words that I truly embrace, would you run?Her voice soft, "Nothing. Nothing at all." He lifted the paper, taking a mouthful of coffee. She could only let out a quiet sigh.

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posted by Jod{i} at 2/25/2013 06:00:00 AM, |

5 Comments:

This reminded me of:

Is it all in that pretty little head of yours?
What goes on in that place in the dark?
Well I used to know a girl and I could have sworn
that her name was Veronica
Well she used to have a carefree mind of her own
and a delicate look in her eye
These days I'm afraid she's not even sure if her
name is Veronica

So Jodi....what's going on in that head of yours?:)

Chris
My Blog
Jod[i]. I really admire the risks you take here. It`s not easy to reveal primitive stuff. I`m just now visiting others` blogs.
Writing Ed made me sit back, withdraw for a bit.
People would probably be surprised if we could all hear each others' most private thoughts. Some things are meant to be a mystery.

Ari
oh honey i have been there, in that same table, in that same spot..and often thought and asked myself that question..would they run if they really knew what i think?...
i'm pretty sure that we have all been there, so know that you are not alone in feeling that way.
It is not your hell alone, we have all visited for one reason or another...
Know one thing, i like many others love you. Unconditionally. I didn't have that in my life until i had my kids and so now i know what it really means. Unconditional love means that not matter what i'm there...Jodi, i'm here...no matter what your heart and soul and mind might have in them....Right here my angel...So close your eyes and feel the hug and the kiss in your forehead. Feel my hand holding yours and know that you are so special and wonderful to many and i'm there amongst the lucky ones...
Oh, Jodi...you do creep around inside this brain of mine, don't you?

For those bold enough to explore their thoughts, it can be a scary time. For the timid, ignorance is bliss.

::hug::
Nikki Ü