Originally written and posted 2005
An Addendum to the previous Memo
TO all parties concerned,
no do not get your hopes up, there are no changes to the previous memo.
And yes, we live in a democratic society, here in the US...Albeit, not
in this household. And one more NO, there are no
mediators/arbitrators/counselors to plead your case.
Okay, so that last one is a fib, I will listen, yet your argument had better be well thought out.
This is just a small addition.(ahem)
Friends are wonderful. Friends are beneficial to the soul. A welcome addition to our space.
Yet, it has become apparent to this office that there are friends that are being ignored.
This office feels that it would be most advantageous if we had a "re- introduction".
To accomplish this successfully, we must look forward, positively and as a team.
We can and will do accomplish this goal.
The first re-introduction is;
decline of this friendship, this office is willing to take a part of
the responsibility. Yet notes from this moment on, all responsibilities
lies within each and everyone of you. (Yes, even you Diva. And don't
give me that look!)
Say it with me: " The vacuum is my friend."
that cupboard? The one filled with bottles, jugs and whatnots? The
whatnots with little symbols of a skull and bones? The one you were ONCE
never allowed to go in?
Yeah that one. Forget that direction.
was a lie. Your hands will not melt if you ever touch them. That was
just an easy explanation/skirting, so that at the wee age you were, you
wouldn't get hurt.
Wha? It worked didn't it?
Alas, you are now of the age that the truth be revealed. Treat the previous explanation as null and void.
starting now, so you can learn(brainwashed)trained, for when and if you
should ever choose to be involved a relationship at some point in the
far off(reallllllllll far off) future.
spray can? Is called Pledge. See, P-L-E-D-G-E. I hear it has become
quite dormant. Collecting dust. Unfortunately not the way it was
The Mr Clean is actually not some bodyguard for the rest of the bottles in there. Actually used to clean*Gasp*.
Say it with me:
"Cleaning products are our friends" (when used properly)
Not my only mode of transportation.
more important function of this item and why we try to become one with
the broom, is we, this office, has a concern with the freeloaders. These
freeloaders, dust bunnies in some parts of the world, are increasing
their population. We are investigating the allegations of a coup. Yet we
can take control of this immediately and not have to resort to a
"population control" program.
TO do so, becoming one with the broom is imperative.
Come on, say it with me:
:The broom......Ohmmmmm...I am one with the broom"
Good, Very good.
two rather large machines in the basement? They are NOT a mini
amusement park for your enjoyment. I know, I see the surprise on your
face. They spin for other purposes, not just to hear "How cool marbles
sound" or a bubble making machine on a grand scale.
They actually clean *Gasp again with that word* clothes.
Yes. Yes 'tis true.
as stated in the earlier memo, The bringdowntheclothes fairy etal, have
been let go due to the budget and some restructuring.
In order for those two machines to work properly, they need three essential items.
- Laundry.(Ergo, get it down stairs)
will be a further task analysis completed and reviewed by the end of
this week. In the meantime it would behoove you all to take
responsibility of completing the now vacant positions.
That is if you don't want to wear the button down Oxford and dockers that has been in your closet for a year now.
Say it with me:
"Laundry is cool"
I think you are getting the hang of this now.
On that note, this office will end, as not to interfere with too much information, too quickly to muddle the mind.
be sure to review these points over the next week. As performance
reviews are to be implemented. Increases or decreases will be reflected
in your paycheck. And I know your penchant for preserving the
traditional Friday mall stroll is a priority.
As always this office has an open door policy(Unless company pops in).
feel free to discuss amongst yourselves and NOT forward complaints to
this office. Although I know the VP(dad) is more than willing to listen.
Next memo will address proper dish washing, placing of washed items in the proper area and the stacking of said items.
Until then, Remember, "Cleaning is our friend."
Sincerely and with Love
*Cleaning is our Friend